Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
