So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
