pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can text with my tongue
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
