if you like me you must not know who I am
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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