i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize