I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
