One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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