I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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