Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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