I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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