Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
