Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
