omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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