Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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