it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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