I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
