we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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