Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
