'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I smell stomach acid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
