I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
