so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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