Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
