dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
