Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ugly people sure do ruin things
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
