i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
