just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
