Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
