I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
