I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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