We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
