I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you never un-have a 4some
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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