this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
