My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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