I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
