Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize