what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
