so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
