life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
