FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
