that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
