Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize