im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize