would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
