just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you would pick up someone in the library
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
