He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
