do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
