The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
