Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Still dying that you shit outside
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
