He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize