First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
