We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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