Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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