Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
