We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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