hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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