There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
