I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
