He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize