my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
