ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
