I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
