i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
