I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
