dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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