Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
