return my video game
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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