I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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