and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
