Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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