Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
