i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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