he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize