I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
