Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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