clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
is it fun? or sober?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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