i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
