So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
