i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
