Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
birth control should be required to get into college
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
