I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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