yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
