Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dear god my vagina.
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